early August (tw: body dysphoria)

[best_thief]

Lila is already in a sour mood.

This morning she'd woken up wanting to dress like a boy, not for a disguise but just because. It shouldn't be difficult because all of her clothes are either made for men or the kind both genders wear here in Darrow. The problem is the heat. The problem is, the more of her body that shows the less she looks like a man. She isn't as curvy as a lot of women, and thank God her chest is nearly as flat as a man's, but she's still shaped girl-like.

And fuck, it's not like she's never endured summer heat. Maybe it's that back home she had more to worry about, like staying alive and stealing enough money for a room or a meal. Or maybe it's because back home she'd never cut the legs off her pants or the sleeves off her shirts because it just wasn't done. So here it's either suffer the added heat, or look more girl-ish than she'd like.

Lila has been letting her hair get too long. She shears an inch off in frustration and goes for a walk.

There are other things bothering her, too. Crawling under her skin, clouding her thoughts. She tries to keep them away by training her magic and her body, but sometimes she can't outrun them just like she can't run from this place. Which is the very root of all of it.

But she can at least move fast. She's noticed a favored trend among the people of Darrow, they love to ride contraptions called bicycles that are not so much unlike Tauriel and Aramis' motorcycles. And while Lila would much rather have a motorcycle she's discovered that they're far more expensive than she can afford, and beyond that, difficult to steal. (Mostly because she doesn't know how to drive one yet.) But the bicycles are self-propelled and don't need a key. Lila stakes out an area that has a long rack of them to be rented out along the boardwalk. Once she sees how they're locked into their little areas she manipulates the metal, wanders up while the merchant is busy talking to someone else, takes the bicycle by its handles, and walks away. Two important parts to stealing are distraction and confidence. Look like you belong somewhere or that you're doing what you're supposed to be doing and you can get away with a lot.

Lila walks the bicycle a ways from the rental area just to be safe, and then she swings a leg over and attempts to ride it.

It doesn't go well.

She keeps wobbling and tipping to the side and nearly running into things or falling off. She gets so angry in the end that she gets off the bike and kicks it, lighting it on fire in the middle of the sidewalk.

"Useless hunk of metal!"

Comments

[frozenfractals]

Elsa's just walking when it happens, taking an aimless stroll along the boardwalk, and then there's a clatter of metal and a flash of fire.

She doesn't think, just looks at the flaming bicycle — she thinks it's a bicycle — in the middle of the sidewalk, and waves her arms toward it, coating it in a sheet of ice that effectively douses the fire. There are way too many people around for the fire to be safe.

It's only after the fact that she realizes there are also people around to see her use her magic like that. She's been using her powers more again, working with Jess, but it's usually at night, her identity hidden. Looking around, eyes wide, she feels like she ought to run, but she can't get her feet to cooperate.

[bloodandflowers]

The sight is one he's never seen before, yet it can't quite be unexpected. It is Lila, after all, and when Kell sees her wobbling down a street on a bicycle he's certain she's not paid for, he isn't surprised.

Nor is he surprised to see her light it afire, though he does roll his eyes as he steps closer. But the spell on his lips to put out the flames doesn't come, for another young woman waves her arms and encases the bicycle in ice. She looks nearly terrified to have done so, and, treated as he's been all his life, Kell finds he'd quite like to rid the sidewalk of any and all spectators.

Arriving at the bike, Kell touches his palm to it, the flat of it bloodied, and says, "As Anasae." The freezing enchantment dissipates and the water melts, and Kell rights the bike on the sidewalk. Then he pushes back his hair, exposing his jet black eye. He's found that's often more than enough to send people fleeing, and today is thankfully no exception.

The sidewalk empties, and Kell turns to Lila, a scathingly blank look on his face.

[best_thief]

Lila isn't expecting the fire to be quickly and effectively snuffed out in ice. It's enough to pull her from her bout of anger. Her gaze snaps up, looking for the source of magic, expecting Kell and seeing a woman instead. Her mouth drops open, but closes when the Antari in question strolls up like he's been summoned. What are the goddamn odds?

He scatters the crowd and fixes her with what can only be a look of disapproval. Lila grits her teeth and glares, feeling the back of her eye prickle from the humiliation of it all. How much had he even seen? What's he doing here?

"Don't look at me like that," she warns him, anger steadily building once more.

She looks back to the woman in contempt, crossing her arms. "I would have taken care of it."

[frozenfractals]

"I'm sorry," Elsa says, hands outstretched before her as if to show she means no harm. Like that would do any good. Her hands are the source of all the trouble. These people don't know that, though, and it's an instinctive gesture anyway, like putting out the fire was. "It was... an impulse. I'm sure you would have."

Though she really wouldn't have guessed that just from walking over. It took her years to learn how to undo her ice; how can she know that someone else can control their fire?

[everyonetakes]

It's like every single time they see each other, Lila is lighting something on fire.

Kate had been about to step forward and offer to help Lila learn how to ride the bike -- because it's pretty much the cutest thing ever, watching her friend wobble down the sidewalk -- but then the damn thing is suddenly in flames and she gives a surprised little yelp before hurrying forward.

Her bottle of water isn't going to be enough to put it out, so for a second she just sort of stands there and looks at it.

"Dude, you could have learned how to ride it with a little practice," she points out finally, at a loss for what else she might do.

[thebloodtraitor]

Sirius is just rounding the corner on his motorbike, making yet another trip to the grocery store when he spots someone on a bicycle on the footpath up ahead. Though, to say they're actually on the bicycle is a bit of an overstatement and Sirius watches with some amusement as they wobble and fall off yet again.

He rumbles to a stop at the light across the street, head cocked when he recognizes the person as Lila and breaking out into a full-on smile when she immediately kicks at the poor bicycle and then sets it on fire.

Two nearby Muggles leap out of the way of the flames just as the light turns green and Sirius heads straight for her, calling out as he pulls over to an empty spot just beside her.

"Oi! That's a bit dramatic, don't you think? You're causing a scene."

[bloodandflowers]

Kell transfers his frown from Lila to the other woman, but for her his expression is thoughtful. Assessing. He's used to Lila's fuming, and is for the moment content to absorb it with his back.

"It was fine work," he says, "If nearly as attention garnering as Lila's spell." Reaching out with his magic, Kell finds the shape of hers not unlike his own, but with different edges. If she could control fire, surely she would have simply put it out. Perhaps ice and water are her strengths. "Can you exert power over any other elements?" he asks.

[best_thief]

It's almost worse when Kell dismisses her.

Lila stares at the back of Kell's head, imagining lighting his already flame-colored hair on fire. She doesn't, of course, but without an outlet for her anger all that emotion sits heavy and aching in her chest.

Kell has stood the bike up and when she sees what's holding it in place she concentrates on it, the little lever near the pedals. Her hand curls into a fist from the effort of moving the small metal bar upward. She jerks it enough to send the bike crashing to its side.

That's slightly satisfying.

[best_thief]

Lila is too busy directing her anger at the bike to notice anyone else watching, and so when Kate speaks up, having appeared seemingly out of nowhere, Lila deflates. She runs a hand through her badly-cut hair and moves to kick the flaming bike, but just kicks grass.

"I'm having a bad day," she finally says, and concentrates hard on getting rid of the fire. The trouble is, it's easier to start it than it is to stop it, and by the time she manages to put it out her head is throbbing and the bike is blackened and ugly looking.

"Guess I'm not returning that."

[best_thief]

"Fuck off, Sirius," Lila grumbles, looking up from the flames to glare at Sirius instead. Of course she knows it's a bit dramatic...now. In the moment it had been cathartic, but now that Sirius is here she can't help feeling stupid over the whole thing.

Especially because the bicycle is so inferior to the one Sirius is riding. Honestly, it deserves to be on fire.

[thebloodtraitor]

There's some irony in point it out, Sirius can admit to himself. After all, how many times had both James and Remus accused Sirius himself of dramatics. Perhaps that only makes it easier for him to spot.

Then again, is there really any doubt of it when an innocent bicycle has been set afire?

"Now, now, don't be rude," he says with a bit of a pout, his feet resting on the cement as he leans over the handlebars. "What's that thing done to deserve such a fate anyhow?"

[frozenfractals]

"No," Elsa says, shaking her head, "ice and snow. Well —" She flinches at the sound of the bike falling, glancing over. These two have powers of their own or are familiar enough with it not to treat her like a monster. They're not a threat. She just has to tell that to her racing heart.

"If I stir up a storm, there's wind, but I don't really control that. It just happens."

[everyonetakes]

"Dude, we need to work on your coping mechanisms," Kate says, which is actually pretty hilarious, coming from her, given that her coping mechanisms tend to be lie wildly about your life until you feel better. Which is a step up from wearing an actual costume and pretending to be someone else, which she's also done, so maybe she's improving.

"Whatever, they've got like, eighty gazillion of them and we pay taxes and shit, so they can deal," she says, flapping her head at the bike. "What's going on? Are you okay? Do I need to verbally destroy someone for you?" Because Lila can do the physical destruction herself, but Kate's happy to offer her sharp tongue when it's needed.

[best_thief]

Lila sighs, because Kate is probably right. But as quickly as Lila is learning to control the elements, she has no idea where to even start when it comes to everything else. That's why she prefers to be alone; no expectations, no demands, no disappointment.

Though she does appreciate Kate not caring about the bike itself, and she smiles crookedly at her dismissal.

"You can do that?" she asks curiously, thinking she'd like to see it in action. She also finds herself strangely touched by the offer. "But no, it's not that. No one person has done anything. Wait, that isn't even true-- you know what, it's just everything." She scowls and toes at the charred bike.

"Let's get out of here before someone asks about this and I stab them."

[everyonetakes]

"Can I do that?" Kate asks, scoffing as she gives the charred bike a kick, too, then loops her arm through Lila's and leads her away from the scene of the bike murder she's just witnessed. "I'm like, the queen of doing that, but only when it's necessary. I used to be an asshole to pretty much everyone, but I guess I've chilled out in my old age."

As if she isn't still in her early twenties. She just feels a lot older and a lot smarter than she did when she was fifteen and prone to giving anyone who stepped within ten feet of her a verbal lashing if she decided they deserved it. She's also aware there's loads left to learn and by the time she's thirty, she'll probably feel even smarter.

"And tearing someone a figurative new asshole is way more satisfying than stabbing them," she continues. "Not that I've ever stabbed anyone, so I guess I don't know that for sure."

[bloodandflowers]

Lila continues to tantrum worse than anything Kell has seen from even the Veskan princess, and his irritation grows to see the other mage flinch for the sudden crash of the bike.

He steps forward, for the moment crowding Lila out of her vision. "I'm Kell." With the streets now mostly empty, he thinks nothing of opening his palm, a ball of ice forming within it to show her that they are the same. "That is Lila. She is still learning to control her magic. Is it the same with you?"

[best_thief]

Lila's hand goes to her knife when Kell steps in front of her, but it relaxes and drops to her side just as quickly. Instead she moves between them with a sharp smile, and melts the ice to water in Kell's palm, holding her own out for the woman to shake.

"Hello. I don't need him to talk for me. I'm Lila Bard, formerly of the Night Spire. A pleasure to meet you. That was an impressive trick," she says, pretending to care.

[best_thief]

"It was broken," Lila lies, because there's no way she's going to admit that she was unable to ride a bicycle. She's seen children on them.

"Give me a ride out of here?" she asks, putting on a sweet, innocent face. She doesn't want to be around when authorities show up to deal with the bike. Nate's been imprisoned twice, and she intends to keep her clean record for bragging rights.

[best_thief]

Lila appreciates the kick of solidarity, and because of it she doesn't pull away when Kate takes her arm. This is the sort of thing she's seen ladies do all the time, and she always thought it was because they were having difficulties walking in their unruly dresses. But now she realizes it must be a show of friendship.

Lila's stomach dips unpleasantly, but she can't find it within herself to let go.

"Old?" she practically stutters after a moment of getting tangled in her thoughts. "Don't tell me you're an elf. I met a woman who appears perhaps ten years older than me, and she's six hundred something. It's unbelievable."

"Stabbing is different," she adds, after, quietly. "Killing is."

[thebloodtraitor]

Sirius lets out a huff of a laugh at that because Lila certainly must be joking.

"There's no telling what you'll do to my bike if I let you on," Sirius points out, already wondering if he's maybe stopped a bit too close, in fact. Pulling out his wand, he quietly extinguishes the raging bicycle fire, leaving nothing but tendrils of smoke rising into the sky. "Besides, where would I take you?"

[everyonetakes]

"I'm kidding, I'm only twenty-three," she says with a laugh. "Definitely not an elf. Don't elves have pointy ears and move with some creepy, ethereal grace? I do not have any of that."

Her smile fades a little at Lila's next statement and she shrugs, like it's no big deal, even though it seriously is. She hadn't killed Esther directly, but she'd been the reason she'd fled into the jungle and been killed. Kate had been the one shooting at her, after all, and it's not like she didn't deserve it, she'd been trying to kill Danny, but it still doesn't feel good.

"Yeah," she says. "I know. I mean, not the stabbing part, but..." She shrugs again. "I got stabbed once and I fought back and she died. I mean, not right there and then, but it was pretty much my fault."

[best_thief]

"Why would I do anything to your bike if I'm on it?" Lila says dryly, not giving the bicycle he extinguishes a second look.

She lets out a huff, barely containing her exasperation. She hasn't even done anything to him since the day they met, and that was an honest miscommunication. "I don't know. Wherever you were going in the first place?"

[thebloodtraitor]

"Try to steal it, obviously," he says with something of a smirk. It's all a show, really. He doesn't know hos Lila could steal his bike with him still on it, though he supposes if anyone could, it'd be her.

He sits up straighter on his bike then, head cocked. "But I was headed to the grocers," he tells her, resting his hands on his thighs. "I've decided Kieren desperately needs to try several different kinds of sugary cereal. If you come, do you promise only to use your magic to torment and annoy our fellow shoppers?"

[best_thief]

"As amusing as it is that I've inspired such paranoia in you, I'm not going to steal your damn bike. I don't think you understand how thieving works," Lila says dryly. Such a large item wouldn't go unnoticed, and this place is too small for it not to get back to him. He probably knows where she lives.

She just rolls her eyes. She can't promise anything, and she won't. "Stop being difficult," she says, climbing onto the bike behind him the way she say on Tauriel's. "I thought your dead boyfriend couldn't eat, anyway."

[thebloodtraitor]

Sirius doesn't bother to hide his smirk at Lila's clear annoyance and he puts up no fight as she flings her leg over his bike to sit behind him.

"He's not dead anymore," he replies, feeling strangely smug in spreading the news. "Don't ask me how, I don't understand it at all, but something happened with his blood or the chemicals in his brain and he's human again now. He can bleed and breathe and eat now. All of it."

Before Lila can make some sort of jibe, Sirius kicks his bike back into gear, the wonderful machine revving between their legs as he pulls back into traffic, fresh on his way to the shop.

[best_thief]

Lila has to admit, she's a little disappointed that she never even got in any good jokes about Sirius fucking a dead man and he's already come back to life. She can't even say so now over the roar of the engine, instead locking her arms around Sirius and holding on as they ride into town. It's even better this time without a helmet, her eyes opened to slits to take everything in as they whip past it.

[best_thief]

Lila lets out a laugh at Kate's description. "They do have the pointy ears, or at least the one I know. And you're right about being graceful. She fights like she can float on the air," Lila says, remembering the swift and efficient way Tauriel had taken out the men during their fight. And she doesn't even know air magic.

"That creepy monster girl who tried to kill you? Sounds like she deserved it, to me. Didn't you feel powerful, fighting back?" Lila asks with a tilt of her head, no judgement in her expression.

[frozenfractals]

Elsa shakes Lila's hand, almost grateful to be aimed in the direction of something to do. It helps her feel a little more put together. Being shaken up like this is just embarrassing, but that's the way it's been lately. Ever since Anna went home, revealing her powers has been that much more unnerving.

"I'm Elsa," she says, "formerly of Arendelle. Um, thank you. It's so nice to meet you both. No one in Arendelle had any kind of magic, not like this, so — so yes, I'm still learning." Actually, she thinks, putting out that fire was a pretty nice move. Lila clearly wasn't pleased with her, but at least she only iced the bike and not the entire surrounding area.

[thebloodtraitor]

One advantage to ferrying Lila about on his motorbike, Sirius finds, is that she can't talk. Or at least, if she does, Sirius can't hear her over the growling engine.

The shop isn't that far away, however, and they're there in moments, Sirius slowing to a stop in the car park, feet on the ground as he cuts off the engine and waits for Lila to slide off so he can follow. "How many things do you think you can steal while we're in there?" he asks, pocketing his keys with a grin?

[everyonetakes]

"Maybe she did deserve it, but... I don't know, mostly I just felt shitty," Kate admits and she knows she can't even entirely explain why. Some of it has to do with her mother, she thinks, because she's got a pretty strong feeling Esther was seriously mentally ill and she knows how awful it would be for someone to attack or hurt her mother just because they didn't like Buck or Alice.

Bryce was the worst and Kate had wanted to punch him herself a few times, but it was still her mother under all that at the end of the day.

"I think she was pretty sick," she says. "Like, in the head. And my mom's pretty mentally ill, so it mostly just felt bad."

[best_thief]

Lila climbs off the bike, ignoring how funny her thighs feel from the vibrations, but stops short at Sirius' question.

"Is that a challenge? I'm not in the right clothes," she says, almost distressed at the fact that she won't be able to pass Sirius' impromptu test. Stealing money is one thing, but items need somewhere to go, and without a jacket, or at least more than the pockets of her shorts, there simply aren't any good places to hide them.

[best_thief]

"Oh," Lila says quietly. Remorse and empathy are two things Lila struggles to understand, which is a strange thing to realize, but she can sometimes recognize when her reactions are wrong. At least this, though, doesn't need to be explained or guessed at. Equating someone you had to fight and kill to your own mother wouldn't feel like a victory.

"You and your mother were close?" she asks.

[thebloodtraitor]

"Well, that sounds like an excuse if I've ever heard one," Sirius replies with a smirk. "What sort of wizard are you that you can't magic what you need?"

He knows the answer already, of course, having witnessed plenty of what Kell can do. Lila's not quite as powerful as Kell, he's fairly sure, but their magic is the same. And it's nearly nothing like Sirius's. While they can bend and manipulate elements already in existence, Sirius can pull things right out of thin air should he need them.

Well, most things at least.

[everyonetakes]

"Yeah, pretty close," she says, then laughs. "My mom has DID, which is Dissociative Identity Disorder. It basically means she suffered this major trauma when she was a kid and split into a bunch of different people, so I sort of had like, four versions of my mom growing up."

That's simplifying it a lot and Buck and T in particular hadn't been like parents at all, but they'd still been part of the family.

"what about you?" she asks. "What were your parents like?"

[best_thief]

"I'm not a wizard," Lila argues, crossing her arms. She knows the word is just a term for someone who controls magic, like her, but since they are different kinds of magic she refuses to go by it.

"And if I could magic what I need, then I wouldn't have to steal in the first place, would I? You make it sound like magic exists just so you can be lazy. But how about this, I'll steal you a pack of candy since you're being such a little boy," she says.

[bloodandflowers]

"A targeted blow is no simple thing," says Kell, standing behind Lila as he wipes his wet hand against his jacket. "If you are need of a teacher, I offer myself."

Uncontrolled magic was too dangerous to run rampant, and Kell is in need of something to fill his days. He finds he even wants to help. "If you like."

[thebloodtraitor]

Sirius's smirk fades little by little at Lila's reply and he rolls his eyes as he turns to head for the door of the shop.

"Fuck's sake, you are a pill," he replies with a huff. "Only thought it'd be a bit of fun, but I see that's a bit out of reach for you." He turns then, not bothering to see if Lila's decided to follow him in or not, not particularly caring either way.

[best_thief]

"And all you are is a condescending arse," Lila calls after him, turning the other way to find her own way back to Bramford. So what, Sirius can magic whatever the hell he wants? She doesn't need that, whatever she wants she can get herself, even if it takes some time.

[best_thief]

"A pleasure to meet you," Lila says. Elsa's hand is soft. She looks soft. Soft and pretty and polite. Lila wouldn't care, that's what all the ladies in London are like, but then Kell has to go and offer to teach Elsa. Kell is supposed to be teaching her. The bone magic, the blood magic, and all the rest in between since he thinks she doesn't have enough control. But maybe he's wrong. She's learned everything else in life by herself, and Alucard already helped her with the basics. She made it into the Essen Tasch for crying out loud. She's much better on her own.

"What a lovely idea. I come from a place without magic, either, I'm sure Kell can teach you all kinds of things," she says, moving to pick up the bike and hide its charred remains behind some shrubbery.

[best_thief]

Lila's eyes widen. She's never heard of anything like that. She's heard of people having voices in their head, but this sounds more extreme. "Wait, so she became four people, or you mean she thought she was four different people?" she asks, because it sounds like the woman split into other selves. With all the impossible things Lila has experienced herself, and heard from others here, she supposes it could be true.

"My mother was kind, but my father was a useless drunkard," she says with a dismissive snort. "I regret not killing him before I left home." He deserved a knife to the gut like she'd given the man he'd sold her to.

"They're not worth talking about."

[everyonetakes]

"Like, her brain split into four different people," Kate says. "It was in her head, but it wasn't just stuff she was making up or faking or whatever, she actually became a totally different person when one of the alters took over."

For a long time she'd insisted Tara was faking it, but she knows she'd just been angry and afraid of what was happening.

"They all did stuff for her. Protected her. T, she was a fifteen-year-old alter, she could talk to me when my mom couldn't," she explains. "And Alice was the caretaker, she could do anything when my mom felt like she was failing in keeping us all together. They were kind of great most of the time."

She pauses, looking at Lila. "Is he why you left? Useless drunks seem like they'd be pretty shitty to live with."

[frozenfractals]

"Oh," Elsa says, "thank you." It's a surprise, the offer, but perhaps it shouldn't be. Since she's come to Darrow, though magic isn't exactly ordinary, she's found no shortage of people with powers and words of guidance. She has Dorian to teach her, but his views on the matter don't always line up with her own. It couldn't hurt to have more help, if she's not burdening anyone with it.

She's not sure if that applies here, though. It might just be the way her mind sometimes works against her, but she has the sense Lila is less pleased or interested by her presence than Kell is.

"I would very much appreciate the help, if it isn't any trouble. I wouldn't want to intrude on your lessons."